July 2011
17 posts
'Age of Candidacy' Law Fails to Keep Children From...
WASHINGTON (the fahey chronicles) - The age of candidacy requirement that was set forth in the U.S. Constitution, and essentially ensures that children don’t run our government, is clearly not keeping children from running our government.
Taking a moment away from driving toy trucks around in his Mr. Turtle Sandbox, GOP Leader John Boehner commented on the brinksmanship affecting...
Apple Releases iPhone 5 Tomorrow Since You Just...
STUDY: "If this van's a-rockin', it's not playing...
Father Subjects Own Family to Song He Made in...
OHIO (the fahey chronicles) “Check THIS out! Only took me twenty minutes.” said Ted Holt as be began to subject his own flesh and blood to a ‘song’ that he ‘created’ in GarageBand.
“Get ready, here comes the bridge!” shouted Holt with his eyes closed, head bobbing back and forth while silently mouthing the lyrics. “Totally rockin!”...
Hipster Father Catches Son Enjoying Hall and Oates...
Study Finds Shitting Yourself and Taking a Nap as...
ARIZONA (the fahey chronicles) - ”We can now say, without equivocation, that discharging feces from your body and into your pants, and then taking a nap, is just as effective as starting a Cause on Facebook.” said head researcher, Harold Snell.
“We examined two groups of people. The first group started Facebook Causes for altruistic acts such as, ‘Stop Global...
Dude Wearing Backwards and Upside Down Visor...
Local Man's Zip-Lining Story Enters Seventh...
Husband Eagerly Awaits Wife's Grocery Store Trip...
TEXAS (the fahey chronicles) “C’mon, leave already!” whispered Rob Borwald, 39, under his breath as his wife spent a few minutes searching for her missing car keys. “Once I see her car leave the driveway and pull out onto Moss Street the coast will be clear and I’m totally goin’ for it.”
Borwald has meticulously calculated how long it’ll take to...
Watching a Documentary is Leading Cause of Being...
A woman who spent an hour and a half watching a documentary about renewable energy and now won’t shut the fuck up about the importance of re-usable grocery bags.
Brief Eye Contact with Crazy Man Subjects Passerby...
NEW YORK CITY (the fahey chronicles) - “Hey, man. Open your eyes!” heard Ryan Rogers, a 22-year old NYU student and passerby who mistakenly made half a second of eye contact with Gary Covax, a crazy homeless man hellbent on espousing his theories about 9/11.
“I made eye contact with him and immediately looked away, but I knew it was too late. There was no turning back.”...
52-Year Old Divorcée Desperately Wants to Show You...
NEW HAMPSHIRE (the fahey chronicles) - Recently divorced and ready to start “living life to the fullest”, Joy Kearns, 52, spends most of her days pressuring you into viewing her amateur photography collection.
“After Ron and I separated, I set out to find a hobby.” said Kearns. “Little did I know, that hobby had set out to find me.”
As of press time, friends...
Giada De Laurentiis Pronounces the Fuck Out of the...
Zuckerberg: "Facebook Video Chat Revolutionizes...
Local Barnes and Noble Store Secedes from Chain to...
Local Man Still Into Boobs
NEW JERSEY (the fahey chronicles) - “I like ‘em big, I like ‘em round and I like to lick ‘em.” said the New Jersey native, Frank Tinoretto, 65, “Always have.”
Entire Internet Crashes After Billionth Photo of a...
